Monday, October 10, 2011


On Saturday Jessica and I attended Mark Driscoll's LoveLife Confrence! If you are not familiar with Mark Driscoll you can find out more about him here.  
This was my first time to hear him speak in person & let's just say he did not disappoint in the slightest!!

I am going to highlight a different session each day throughout this week. I will start with the first session which was on friendship. 

Mark started by explaining that 70% of men and 70% of women say they want friendship with their spouses. 
He described marriage three ways: back to back, shoulder to shoulder, and face to face.
A back to back marriage is one in which both spouses have turned their backs on each other. They may have separate bank accounts, separate beds, essentially they are living separate lives. 
A shoulder to shoulder marriage is one in which spouses are doing things together. This could include a business venture, raising kids, planning a home improvement project, etc. It was explained that in shoulder to shoulder marriages once whatever it is that they're doing together is over they are left with nothing because they have invested all of their time in the project and not in each other.
A face to face marriage is the most biblical kind of marriage. This marriage includes things such as communication, love, friendship, and intimacy (1 Cor 13).

*build your potential marriage on friendship and not on intimacy.

Mark then went on to use the word FRIENDS to explain how a marriage should be.

F: Fruitful (Genisus 1:28)
Marriage should be fruitful. You should want each other to grow and mature. You should marry someone who is like-minded and wants to be fruitful in the same way you want to be fruitful.

R: Reciprocal (Galatians 5:25)
You have to choose to love your spouse with God's love and they need to choose the same. Friendships have to be reciprocal. If one person gives and the other doesn't that's an abusive relationship. If both people give that's a friendship. Often times it's little compromises. For example one night she gets to choose where you eat dinner and another night he gets to choose, or the same with t.v. shows, movies, activities, etc.) Being reciprocal means doing something you don't like for someone you like. This is truest way to serve your spouse. 

I: Intimacy (Proverbs 18:24)
This is knowing someone better than anyone. Men and women build their friendships differently: women build their friendships on conversations, men build their friendships on activities. Men need to learn to talk and listen to women face to face and women need to learn to get involved in men's activities.

E: Enjoyable (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
It's okay for marriage to be FUN!! Have JOY with your spouse. Make memories, laugh, grow old together. Life goes too fast so you have to make memories when you can. Take pictures!! There are hard, dark days, but if you have a friendship that includes memories you will be okay. BE PRESENT!! Make your activities and traditions rituals and not routine. Routines are something that you come to expect, whereas rituals are a sacred moment.

N: Needed 
Men need women and women need men! It is not okay to be too dependent on one another, but it is also not okay to be too independent from one another. 
Women want to marry a man who can make babies, not one who IS a baby ;-)

D: Devoted (Proverbs 17:17)
A friend loves at all times. A truly devoted friend is one who is devoted through all seasons of life. When they weep, you weep, when they have joy, you have joy!
You must be able to walk with each other through all seasons of life, not just the happy times!

S: Sanctified
You must be truthful with your spouse. This is only going to help them grow and mature through the grace of God. It's important for you to ask yourself is you're being a good friend: a good friend to God? A good friend to others? A good friend to your (future) spouse? Ask your (future) spouse how you can be a good friend to them. 

Bottom line:
Life is better if you are first friends with your spouse. 


  1. LOVE this...honestly today i was just thinking about how i view marriage and if what i think is realistic ...and after this post i can see that my views on marriage are they way God intended marriage to be..not how the world has portrayed it..and i hope i find someone who feels this way too! may have to share it with some friends. thanks for posting, it sounds like that was an awesome conference to go to. looking forward to reading your other posts about the sessions!

  2. Love this post! So funny how the things you need to see are put in front of you at the right moment!! Thanks for this post today, I needed that read! :) Hope you are having a great day!!

  3. I definitely have heard this before! It feels like deja vu or something. Anyways thanks for refreshing my memory. My fiancé and I are going through our marriage prep counseling and there are many great points in this post, to keep in mind. After we complete our prep we want to go through a book together. Lovvvvve this posttt!

  4. This is such a great post, thanks for sharing all of these great points!