If there's one thing I've really learned over the last few years it's that there is always purpose to be found in waiting. I feel like most of our lives are spent in the "waiting room". We are always waiting for something. Right now I am waiting to graduate and get married. In the next few years I will be waiting to build our house and have babies. It seems like no matter what stage of life you are in there is constantly something to wait for. Instead of feeling defeated while I wait I have really strived to find meaning and purpose during these specific times of my life. As much as I want to be a wife, I know there is a reason for this long(ish) engagement. I know that God is using this time to prepare me to be the best possible wife I can be to Adam. I have felt really convicted lately that I am not using this time to its fullest potential. Am I missing what God has for me during this time? Am I neglecting to spend the time I need to with Him to fully understand His purpose for me during our engagement?
Right now I am smack dab in the middle of a really hard semester. Honestly, for the most part I am not one to stress about school. But there is always this one point during the semester where I physically feel sick about the amount of work I have to do. I get so overwhelmed and just cry. I am at that point. I am on the top of the mountain. I know I just have to get over this hump and it will be all down hill from here, but I just can't seem to get there. It's just hard. and I feel like I am using all of my energy just to get my lessons completed for the week which leaves me feeling like I have very little time for anything else.
I don't want this time to pass by without me fully living out my time as an engaged girl. I will never be engaged again. I feel like too many girls rush through this time and I don't want to be like those girls. I want to make it count.
I don't really know where I am going with all of this. but I do know that I don't want to miss out on what the Lord has planned for me during this engagement I am going to focus more on Him and rely on Him for strength to finish school. I want to use these last 100 days to focus on Him and what he wants to teach me about marriage and being a wife.